Christian Jokes and Other Funny Stories That Will Make You Smile

Drawing a picture of Jesus

A kindergarten teacher was walking around her classroom while her students drew pictures. One little girl was scribbling so intently that the teacher asked what she was drawing. The little girl replied, “I’m drawing a picture of Jesus.” The teacher said, “Oh honey, nobody really knows for sure what Jesus looked like.” The little girl, without missing a beat, responded, “They will in a minute.”

Standing at the gates of heaven

At the end of the age when all the believers were standing in line waiting to get into heaven, the angel Gabriel appeared and said, “I want all the men to form two lines. One line will be for the men who were the true heads of their households. The other will be for the men who were dominated by their wives.”

Gabriel continued, “And now we need all of the women to report to Mary and Martha on the other side of the gate.”

The women left while the men hurriedly formed two lines. The line of men who were dominated by their wives was seemingly unending. The line of men who were the true head of their household had just one man standing in it.

Gabriel said to the first line, “You men ought to be ashamed of yourselves. You were appointed to be the heads of your households and you have not fulfilled your purpose. Of all of you, there is only one man who obeyed.”

Then Gabriel turned to the lone man and asked, “How did you come to be in this line?”

The man sheepishly replied, “My wife told me to stand here.”

When Your Pastor Stops by for a Visit

A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card that had printed “Revelation 3:20” on the back of it for just such an occasion, and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned.

Added to it was this cryptic message, “Genesis 3:10.” Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.”   Genesis 3:10 reads, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.”

When God Answers Prayer

After starting a new diet I altered my drive to work to avoid passing my favorite bakery. I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and as I approached, there in the window were a host of chocolates, donuts, and cheesecakes.

I felt this was no accident, so I prayed … “Lord, it’s up to You. If You want me to have any of those delicious goodies, create a parking place for me directly in front of the bakery.”

And sure enough, on the eighth time around the block, there it was!  God is so good!

Funny Questions & Answers

Q: When did God create Adam?
A: a little before Eve…”

Q: What did Adam and Eve do after they were kicked out of the Garden of Eden?
A: They raised Cain.

Q: How long did Cain hate his brother?
A: As long as he was Able.

Q: What was the first math problem in the Bible?
A: When God told Adam and Eve to, “Go forth and multiply!”

Q: How many people went on the Ark before Noah?
A: Three! Because it is written “And Noah went forth onto the Ark!”

Q: Who was the greatest financial planner in the Bible?
A: Pharaoh’s Daughter, because she went down to the Bank of the Nile and pulled out a profit.

Q: Who were the three people in the Bible without Fathers?
A: Adam, Jesus, and Joshua the son of Nun.

Q: Where is the first example of cannibalism in the Bible?
A: That would be 2 Kings ate one.

Q: Who was the smallest person in the Bible?
A: “Bildad the Shu-hite” or “Nee-hi-Miah,” or “Peter who slept on his watch.”

Q: What was Jesus’ favorite fish?
A: “A Gupee” (agape means “love” in Greek)

Q: What was Jesus’ least favorite food?
A: Passion Fruit

Q: What was Jesus’ favorite part of the newspaper?
A: the Cross word section

Q: How does Jesus get around New York?
A: He takes the Tran-Sub Station

Q: What kind of car did the Apostles drive?
A: A Honda, because in the book of Acts it says, “the Apostles were all in one Accord.”

Q: Did you know Jesus was a cattle farmer?
A: Sure, because he always talked about His pair-of-bulls.

Q: How many Church members does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Change? What do you mean change?

Q: How many Congregationalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Well, first we need a committee to decide whether or not to change the light bulb. Then we need a committee to decide the process for changing the lightbulb. And finally we need a committee to select the number of people to carry out said process of changing the lightbulb.

Q: How many Presbyterians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Change? That’s my Mother’s lightbulb!

Q: How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Change a light bulb with all that water around?

Q: How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We believe the light bulb will be changed by faith, not by works that we do.

Q; How many Episcopals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Exactly three. One to change the light bulb, one to hold the chair, and one to mix the drinks.

Q: How many Unitarian Universalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Well, you can change the light bulb or not change it, or just do an interpretive dance about light.

Q: How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Whoa, slow down! We’re still burning candles around here.

Q: How many Quakers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they just wait for the “inner light.”