The is the 12th article in a series of posts dealing with resume questions I recently answered for churches searching for a new pastor. This particular one has to do with how to handle two saved church members who are committing sexual fornication.
Here is the question and below that is the response I gave. What do you think about my answer?
[stextbox id=”custom”]Two unmarried but saved members of your congregation are committing fornication. How would you scripturally counsel them? How would you apply Holy Scripture to explain how seriously God takes sexual sin? Cite the Scripture upon which you would base your counsel.[/stextbox]
MY RESPONSE: Disciplinary procedures found in Matthew 18:15-17 would need to be enacted, which reads as follows: “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother…”
If the accusation came from a fellow church member, I would counsel that person to immediately confront the other two members about the fornication and determine if they are willing to repent of it. If the two individuals confessed to the sin and agreed to cease the fornication, there would be no need to continue with the Matthew 18 discipline procedures because, “if he listens to you, you have won your brother.”
Nevertheless, I would begin pastoral counseling with the two repentant church members in question and teach them about what God’s Word says regarding sexual fornication, immorality, marriage, etc. I would caringly go through Scriptures such as:
- 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators…will inherit the kingdom of God”
- 1 Corinthians 6:18 “Flee immorality.”
- Galatians 5:19 “Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality”
- Ephesians 5:3 “But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints”
- Colossians 3:5 “Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, which amounts to idolatry”
- 1 Thessalonians 4:3 “For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality”
- Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”
In reviewing these verses, I would explain how serious God is about the sin of sexual fornication and warn them of the severe consequences, both in this life and at the Judgment Seat of Christ. I would also explain why “lusting” after one another is not “loving” one another. If they truly loved each other, they would not sin against each other sexually, as well as against their own bodies.
If the two people were planning to eventually marry, I would counsel them about the covenant of marriage and encourage them to consider getting married sooner rather than later (depending on their ages, etc.). Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:9, “But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
However, if they are not planning to marry (or marry anytime soon), I would counsel them to immediately cease dating each another and that it would be both unwise and inappropriate for them to be alone in each other’s presence henceforth.
(Scriptures I would cite: Genesis 2:24; Matthew 18:15-17; 19:3-9; 1 Corinthians 6:9-10,18; 7:9; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Hebrews 13:4; Proverbs 6:32-33)
A really excellent and praiseworthy approach to lovingly address this issue.
The hardest part would be to have them reject it… that is at the end of Matthew 18:15-17, “treat them as you would a pagan”. However, remembering that Jesus told us to love our enemies.
Would you agree that they could remain attending the church, but not allowed to be involved in any aspect of the church that unbelievers would be kept from?
Hello David, and thanks for the comment!
In answer to your question, I believe yes. In the same way we don’t reject unbelievers at the door but allow them to visit our services, so would we in this instance. And in the same way that an unbeliever couldn’t be a member, serve in the church, etc., neither would such people under church discipline.
I agree with your approach! I would challenge them to join a accountability group. I would challenge them to join a ministry in church were they didn’t have to lead or teach! Possibly in the set up/break down ministry, work with sound! I want to keep them busy because I think they have to much free time!
May d lord bless u