what women want in a manMaybe you’ve heard that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. But that’s just silly because our space shuttles haven’t even landed on Mars yet!

Seriously, though. Men and women are different, aren’t they? Not different as in opposite-sides-of-the-same-coin different, but different as in fire-vs-water kind of different.

Do you know what I mean?

If there is any Bible passage that illuminates the vast differences between what men and women think the other half wants from each other, versus what the husband and wife actually needs from their spouse, it has got to be Ephesians 5:33. This verse deals with the husband’s responsibility to love his own wife and the wife’s responsibility to respect her husband. And that’s it in a nutshell. Women need to be loved by their husbands and men need to be respected by their wives.

“Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).

Sounds easy enough, doesn’t it? Husbands…love your wife like you’d want to be loved. Wives…respect the man God gave you. But it really goes much deeper than even that. There’s got to be more about what women want in a man than just love, right? I mean, the basic reason that husbands and wives (indeed, men and women) don’t get along more is because we often fail to understand one another at a basic level.

Not sure what I mean? Hopefully the following will help you to figure it out. (And if you do, please let me know. I’m still trying to figure my own wife out!)

Here are 7 areas in which men tend to think one thing about women but where women tend to actually want something completely different. Although these are largely “generalizations” between the two sexes, they do point to a problem about what women want in a man and what men assume women want.

PS: I gathered these seven things about what women want in a man from the book, For Men Only (subtitled: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women), written by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn. So if you don’t agree with these assessments, blame them, not me. Enjoy!

What Women Want in a Man

1. On the surface, men think a woman needs to feel loved. But what that means in practice is that even if your relationship is great, your wife has a fundamental insecurity about your love—and when that insecurity is triggered, she may respond in ways that confuse or upset you until she feels reassured.

2. Men believe that women are emotional. But what that means in practice is that women deal with multiple thoughts and emotions from their past and present all the time, at the same time—and these can’t be easily dismissed.

3. Men think that women are impossible to figure out. But what that means in practice is that there is usually a logical reason behind her baffling words or actions—and behavior that confuses you or frustrates you often signals a need she is asking you to meet.

4. Men think that women want security—in other words, financial security. But what that means in practice is that your wife needs emotional security and closeness with you so much that she will endure financial insecurity to get it.

5. Men assume that women don’t want men to fix their [her] problems; she just wants you to listen. But what that means in practice is that when she is sharing an emotional problem, her feelings and her desire to be heard are much more important than the problem itself.

6. Men feel that women don’t want sex as much—which means she isn’t attracted to him. But what that means in practice is that, physically, women tend to crave sex less often than men do–and it is usually not related to her husband’s desirability.

7. Men thing that the women want to look attractive. But what that means in practice is that, inside you’re smart and secure wife lives a little girl who deeply needs to know that you find her beautiful—and that you only have eyes for her.


So, what do you think about these 7 things regarding what women want in a man? Are these spot on? Not even close? Your thoughts?

LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW with what you think about this list of what women want in a man, or if you have another “misconception” to add to this list. Thanks!

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Reader Interactions


  1. Since experience (past and present) plays an integral role in women’s interaction and reaction with her mate, the listing seems a bit cookie cutter. It would be a daunting task to try to generalize why different women act and behave the way they do. This list may be applicable to some women, but a lot of us won’t agree with this list. To be honest, the list would have to be split between women of GOD, and women of the world. Women of GOD, want a man that loves GOD, and understands his purpose in the up building of the kingdom. Women in the world, are attempting to fill a void in their lives, that only GOD can fill. And, until the women of the world figure that out, they won’t have a good grasp on what they truly want in a man.

    • Yes, you’re totally right on.

      I believe that much of the author’s information is drawn from data collected on surveys that were given or completed by women/wives (both Christian and non-Christian). For example, I believe the seven in this article are derived from such surveys where, say, 75% of the women agreed but the other 25% said something different.

      Make sense?

  2. This is true . I think women wants to be loved and appreciated rather than ignoring them . Women got so emotional if man don’t listen

  3. This is very accurate in my experience. Reading this had me in tears, it explains clearly and simply some/ most of the emotion needs I have just now that are not being met by my husband, ( in part because I can’t find the words to explain to him what I need in a way he understands).

    First time in a long time I have felt that someone has understanding of my emotions.

    When there is an appropriate time I may show this list him.

  4. we really need to stop approaching the topic as “figuring it out”. Until we see each other as individuals as not “men vs women”, we’ll miss it. Married for 23 years, my wife isn’t a project to figure out, she’s a person to love, respect and care for. Are there generalities? Perhaps. But uniqueness trumps uniformity.

  5. I will admit that these statements are a bit hard for my to parse as a guy. They don’t stand alone very well. They do, however, server as a great reminder if you have already read the book (For Men Only).

    This book helped me to understand my wife so much better. It doesn’t tell you how to make your marriage blissful, just helps you better understand how women think and what they need most. I highly recommend this book to men.

    It was also good reading the companion book, For Women Only, which gives a great contrast between how men and women think and operate. The biggest takeaway is that men and women are complimentary, designed to fill in with their strengths where the other has weaknesses.